tbh im not even sad? i mean im numb still. i just theres nothing absolutely nothing and i dont really know what to do with myself. there is just nothing i desire anymore. i mean i always think i just need more booze or more blow but it doesnt help anymore. idk im just done. im too tired i dont want to do anything anymore. all i care about is arya is too young to really remember me so as long as this doesnt affect her it doesnt matter. 


i wish  could feel things without drugs

like i want to cry so bad but im not drunk enough and i want to be happy but i havent done cocaine in a day and im sad but its like a numb sad wtf is wrong with me plz help

i wish  could feel things without drugs

dairy queen isn't habit forming. dairy queen is also about $5. of course your dealer will say that, he's making money off you.

obviously you have never had an oreo blizzard yo

drugs and hospital trips??? I worry about you

awwwwwwwwe sweetysweetyswweety its ok, im ok thank you you’re amazing

dear, drugs interfere with drugs. you are hurting yourself even if you don't believe you are.

i know drugs seems like the worst thing in the world but theyre just like anything, theyre fine in moderation. Hilariously enough the dealer is the one who said that drugs are like dairy queen, fine if you only have it once in a while, and i am only doing them once in a while. I also usually only do them the night before i have a day off, same as when i drink, which i have also been cutting back on. To be honest i dont even like drinking that uch anymore because it makes me feel awful when i do it and awful after. Its nice to have something that makes my happy, even if i can only have it once in a while.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh i have sunday off and i just wanna get fucked up on saturday and its payday friday shit sonnnnnnnnnnn. i need to save my money for scotland doooe. fuck

please stop doing drugs. i love you. take care of yourself.

my dear anonthony, i am doing fine, there is no need to worry. I only do them when i am with a friend and we look out for each other. If it starts to interfere with work or if it seems to be a problem he will intervene, but until then i will continue bc its fun ayooooooooooooo.

ahhahaahah so i definitely never went to the hospital because i wanted to sleep, bUT i did meet a boy at a bar on saturday, but i dont even remember what he looked like bc i had done 2 lines a little while earlier so i was pretty fucked. When im high on that i literally just fall in love with people and want nothign more for them all to be happy so i just run around yelling at people about how amazing they are, i loooooooooooove it. its so much fun and im so happy when im doing it. frig if only it werent so expensive. I get it from this guy who i get my molly from, and he usually just gives me a free line bc hes actually super sweet and im buying from him anyways, so its not that expensive, i usually try to give him a few bucks extra but he usually says no. i eventually just throw money at him so he has to take it. 

ANYWAYS, hes and engineer and he seems really nice, but again i know nothing about him really and hes sick so i cant really go out with him AND hes going to vegas this weekend so i think immma try to get coffee with him next week? i really just want to order in food and watch a movie with him but that seems a little intimate for someone i dont know??

omfg i got the date wrong again im goinf to the civic next tuesday fuck i hate dates and calenderrer